Arthur Aaron is a psychologist who conducted a terrific experiment 20 years ago. He invited into his laboratory senior man and woman that had never met before and asked them to answer the list of 36 questions being honest and supporting each other. After discussing the questions, the couple had to silently stare into one another’s eyes for four minutes. After the experiment, the man and the woman left the lab, fell in love and six months later got married.
The secret of such an experiment lies in the vulnerability and the intimacy that is gradually growing during its process. When you discuss such personal and detailed questions with a complete stranger attentively listening, very soon you earn the person’s trust. Moreover, you can apply the experiment in relationship therapy. Discussing the following questions, any couple that has been getting distant can easily save the relationship:
Set 1
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?
- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
- What would constitute a ‘perfect’ day for you?
- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
- Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
- Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set 2
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
- Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your most terrible memory?
- If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
- What does friendship mean to you?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set 3
- Make three true ‘we’ statements each. For instance, ‘We are both in this room feeling…’
- Complete this sentence: ‘I wish I had someone with whom I could share…’
- If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
- Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
- Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
- When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
- Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
- If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
- Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
- Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
- Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
According to Erich Fromm in his book The Art Of Loving, love isn’t something random or easy-to-get. Realizing one’s loneliness in the big world, people seek to connect with somebody who would always understand and support. These questions can unite even extremely different people because analyzing the most important life values increases intimacy.
Try the experiment with your partner. If you don’t have one, don’t worry! Owing to these questions, you can easily get intimate with whomever you like. Besides, when you really try to answer them for yourself, you can re-evaluate the entire life. What can I say, psychology is mysterious sometimes and makes miracles happen.
To make a Gluhwein, slowly heat the red wine in a pot making sure you don’t boil it to avoid the alcohol evaporation. Then add the sliced lemon to the wine along with the cinnamon, cloves, star anise, cardamom and honey OR brown sugar. Slowly stir to dissolve the sugar if added and leave to simmer for 14 minutes. Most importantly, don’t let it boil. Now you can remove the lemon slices, cloves, star anise, cardamom and cinnamon. Pour it into your favorite glass, add a thin slice of orange rind and drink it hot. Prost!
Pajamas party